An unattractive woman invariably displays negative emotions like anger, resentment, fear, anxiety, shyness, scorn or boredom, while most attractive women have an open face, a warm smile, a sparkle in the eye and a warm spontaneity. It is not for nothing that God advises women to concentrate on their inner beauty (1 Peter 3:4) since this is the basis for outer beauty.

What do you do with your hair? Is your style geared to your own convenience or to what your husband likes? Are you attractively groomed when he comes home or does your head look like an explosion in a mattress factory? (I’m referring to curlers in your hair.)

Do you dress to please him or only yourself? Does he like your dresses? Do you ever consult him? A man needs to know that he is uppermost in his wife‘s mind. And what about dressing provocatively? I don’t particularly want my wife to walk around scantily dressed in public, but when she occasionally dresses like that at home just for me, it makes me feel that “I’m the greatest” — and meets a real emotional need.

Do you let him know that he is sexually desirable?Being sexually available to your husband will not make him happy — for it is not the physical need that he wants to satisfy, but the emotional need. When a wife is unresponsive to her husband‘s love-making it can be an extremely humiliating experience for him. This is his way of expressing his love, and when his wife says “go ahead” hut lies there like a dead duck, she is in fact rejecting his love — or at least displaying a total disinterest in his expression of it.

A man is aroused far more easily than a woman — and more quickly. As a result your husband may want to make love more often than you do. Please remember you do not have to reach orgasm every time you make love, but you do have to respond actively and enthusiastically, if you want to satisfy his emotional needs. At times when you can’t even do that, it is better to say “no” than to humiliate him with the “dead duck” routine.

It is also important to initiate the love-making sometimes. More than anything else, this lets him know that you desire him sexually and enhances his feeling of masculinity. Your husband‘s identity as a man‘s man is closely linked to his sexual powers. When you disregard that, you hold cheap his manhood.

If you admire him as a man, he will have very little need to seek the admiration of other women.

Many homes are completely dominated by the activities and schedules of the children. Many a wife has refused to accompany her husband on a business trip, or even go out for an evening because of the demands of the children.

However, problems arise when the children leave home and husband and wife have nothing left to share — for over the years they have only related to each other as Mummy and Daddy.

I have always appreciated the fact that Joy has put me first, even when our children were infants, and demanded a great deal of her time. A little while ago I had to speak at a meeting and asked her to come with me. The children were disappointed and asked her to please stay at home and play some games with them. I’m sure that she didn’t find it easy, yet she simply reminded them that I would like her to go with me and that it was more important to her. Of course when she feels that she should stay at home on other occasions I readily accept her decision.

Do you support him in his discipline?Even when you don’t agree? Since you are at home with the children more than he is, you can either ignore his rules or you can enforce them. I have laid down a rule that our children may only watch four major TV programmes per week. Sometimes Joy would like them to see more, but she has faithfully enforced my rules. If she didn’t, she would in fact be saying that I made the wrong decision and that she was not prepared to accept it — with all the negative consequences that would flow from such an attitude. Of course when we are alone she will discuss the matter with me in a win/win manner, but in front of the children she always upholds me as the head of the house.

Be careful that you do not ridicule your husband or run him down in the eyes of the children. Chris was married to an extremely dominant wife, who often insulted him in front of their children. When he shared this with me his greatest concern was that his children had very little respect for him, and this was a tremendous blow to his own self-respect.

Do you make special meals for guests only? We would not dream of treating our guests the way some of us treat our partners. Does he ever get a special candlelight dinner with his favourite food? Or is that reserved for guests and Sundays only? I like rice, Joy does not, so when she serves a meal with rice, I get the message loud and clear — she‘s done this for me. What wouldn’t I do for a woman like that!

Do you allow him to make the financial decisions?There is a clear distinction between financial administration and financial decision-making. It’s quite alright for a wife to work out a housekeeping budget, pay the bills, etc. But when she also exercises complete control over how the money is to be spent, whether they can afford an article or not, how much to save, what to invest in, etc. she is depriving her husband of a very important part of the home leadership. He should have the final say in all financial matters.

More marital arguments revolve around money than any other topic. A woman who receives a monthly income of her own would be wise to ensure that the spending of their mutual income does not become a source of conflict.

By all means give him the benefit of your insight, but be sure to tell him that the final decision is his and that you will ac-

Concept it wholeheartedly. By acknowledging his position as head of the home you will actually set your husband free to follow your advice. When however, you oppose him strongly you may actually be “forcing” him to make the wrong decision against his better judgement — for every man has a strong need to prove to his wife that “he’s the boss”. By submitting to him in this area, you remove the need for him to establish his authority and leave him free to make the best possible decision.

For some wives this may be too risky — but you can trust God. When you obey His principles, He will meet your every need. After all, you have trusted your husband with your entire life, so why not trust him with your money?

Do you express appreciation for his material provision?Many men devote themselves wholeheartedly to their work in order to provide their families with a good standard of living. Have you ever expressed your appreciation to him for his hard work and his faithful provision? Do you show your appreciation by spending his money wisely? I mentioned previously that I had bought our home in Pretoria without Joy having seen it, and that there were a number of things she didn’t like. She was perfectly correct to point those things out to me — yet somehow it always hurt me, for it made me feel that I had not provided her with what she really wanted. Today she loves our home and tells me so regularly.

Wives, I do appreciate that managing a household is not easy and can at times be very frustrating. However, the way you tackle the job can either become a source of discontent for your husband, or it can make him feel he’s the most important man in the world, thus meeting his deepest emotional need.

What kind of welcome does your husband get when he comes home? An enthusiastic one that says, “Hi, it’s great to see you,” or is he met by a torrent of problems and complaints? Does your husband look forward to coming home? Occasionally when a wife tells me that her husband is having an affair, I ask her what it is that he sees in the other woman that she might lack. In asking such a painful question I’m not for one minute condoning the husband‘s infidelity, but rather trying to stress the fact that when a woman meets her husband‘s emotional needs she need never fear a third party. A third party may not necessarily be another woman, it may be his work or his sport.

Does your husband feel “comfortable” with you? Can he be himself in your company or does he have to mind his p’s and q’s? Is he free to express himself or does he have to be on his guard in case he upsets you, or gets reprimanded? For instance, a friend of mine is very careful not to mention any other woman with whom he may have been in contact during the day, as this sends his wife into a fit of jealousy. The result is that his conversation with her cannot be natural since he always has to watch what he says.

A woman who is constantly picking on her husband is not fun to live with. There was a time when Joy tried very hard to improve my table manners — without much success. In fact I cured her of kicking me under the table by asking her in front of all our guests why she was kicking me. In time she stopped trying to reform me and just accepted me as I was. Not only did this make me feel more comfortable, knowing that I was not about to be scolded, but I also started making a greater effort to improve my manners!

Do you support him when he’s under fire? Whose side do you take when he is involved in some sort of conflict with another person? I used to be very annoyed when I had “near-misses” on the road and Joy accused me of careless driving. It made me feel she was against me. Nowadays she will refer to the other driver as “that reckless idiot” even when I’m the one at fault. And I really appreciate it.

A man can take almost any hammering and face any odds, even when the whole world seems to be against him, as long as his wife believes in him and stands by him. But when she

Also turns against him and starts pointing out his mistakes, his world collapses for he feels that he has been betrayed.

Do you stimulate him mentally? Perhaps you won’t always be able to match his knowledge or hold your own in a debate with him — but then you don’t have to. All you need to do is to ask him questions. How will a drop in the gold price affect our economy? What can be done to slow down inflation? What are the implications of the latest political manoeuvres? How will events in the Middle East affect us? etc. etc. Nothing boosts a man’s ego so much as when he is asked for his opinion. Just make sure that you ask stimulating questions and listen intelligently. He may not know all the answers, and it may motivate him to do more reading himself. However, in no circumstances must you ask questions just for the sake of asking — then he will feel manipulated rather than respected.

Do you involve yourself in his interests? That does not mean that you have to know everything about motorcars or electronics or what have you. Nor does it mean that you have to participate actively in his hobbies and sports. (I really would not enjoy playing squash with Joy!) But you can ask questions, and you can show enthusiasm. You might even do some research in a library or talk to a male friend, and then surprise your husband with your knowledge. You can ask about his favourite football team and who the good players and not-so-good players are. Then read about their achievements on the sports page and discuss them with him.

The key issue is your attitude. If you look upon his recreational activities as “a waste of time” or “something that doesn’t interest me” you are actually saying that what is so important to him is really unimportant to you and doesn’t warrant your attention. He may get the message that you look down on his activities (even if that is not true) and consequently he may exclude you more and more from that part of his life.

Enthusiasm, support and admiration do not require knowledge, insight or participation — just a determination to become your husband‘s best friend.

It always surprises me that people vehemently oppose the authority-submission principle in marriage, although it is accepted in every other aspect of life. God placed the husband in the position of head of the home (I Corinthians 11:3) for only one reason: to ensure good order and to prevent chaos. What would happen in a school where there was no principal or acting- principal? What would happen to a ship that had no captain? What would happen to a hospital without a medical superintendent? What would happen to a business that had no manager? The answer is easy enough: chaos will reign.

Someone has to take the responsibility, someone has to provide the leadership, someone has to make the decisions — and it’s no different in the home. God has given that responsibility to the husband — and it’s an awesome enough responsibility without having to contend with a wife who is constantly rebelling or seeking to impose her will on him.

Just as in a business situation the manager is not superior to his subordinates (certainly not as a person) so the position of home leader does not make the husband superior to his wife. In fact the wife may have better insight with regard to certain matters than the husband and if he is wise he will consult her and utilise her brainpower. In turn the wife must give her husband the benefit of her insight and judgement. She must not keep quiet. It is only when there is not agreement, that the husband has the authority and the responsibility to make the final decision.

My boss at work often consults me about problems in the firm. On some days we agree and he might follow my ideas — but sometimes he disagrees with me and decides to act contrary to my advice. At that point I have the choice to either support him and to carry out his decision or else I can resign. I cannot impose my will on him by refusing to obey him. True submission therefore is not to leave the decisions to your husband — that’s avoidance or yielding behaviour — but to support him wholeheartedly after you have failed to reach consensus. True submission is therefore to support him in a decision even when you disagree with him.

The unsubmissive wife

What are the consequences in a relationship where the wife tries to control her husband and impose her will on him? It will have one of two effects on the husband. Either he will respond by establishing a dictatorial rulership literally crushing his wife emotionally, or he will abdicate his responsibility as head of the house. A survey conducted by an American university found that children were happier and better adjusted socially in homes where the husband was the undisputed head of the family. Where a wife is exceptionally dominant and the husband particularly withdrawn, there is also a strong likelihood that the sons will develop homosexual tendencies.

God views an unsubmissive wife in a very serious light. In II Samuel 6 we read that Michal despised her husband David and looked down on him. As a result God made her barren for the rest of her life. In Proverbs 21:19 we read: “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.” Proverbs 27:15 tells us that “A quarrelsome wife is like a constant dripping on a rainy day.”

What if my husband won’t take the lead?

Many a wife has taken over the leadership in the home with the excuse that “somebody has to make the decisions and if he won’t then I’m forced to do so”. No doubt a very plausible argument — but such an approach will not bring about a happy marriage relationship. If a husband does not take the lead in the home the wife must ensure that she keeps an even lower profile. In other words she must make sure that she stays “under him”, just as God wants her to do.

Brigitte had a choleric temperament and a phlegmatic husband. She used to lock up the house at night, she made sure that all the bills were paid, that the car was serviced, etc. When they had guests for dinner she would ask one of them to say grace before the meal. She used to make all the holiday plans and inform her husband accordingly.

But she wasn’t happy, and because she wanted to obey God, she realised she would have to change her behaviour. So instead of blaming her husband as she used to do, she apologised to him for taking over the leadership in the home and announced that from then on she was going to leave the leadership to him.

There was no overnight change and a couple of times bills were left unpaid, while on several occasions they retired for the night with the front door unlocked. However, her husband began to take over gradually. As he took a more active lead, she supported him and expressed her appreciation, which in turn gave him new self-confidence. With time every facet of their marriage including their sexual relations, became a source of real happiness.

God will not hold the wife responsible for her husband‘s lack of leadership, although He will hold her responsible for her lack of submission. For as long as she insists on taking the leadership responsibility on her own shoulders, her husband will never take over from her. When however, she does submit she can leave it safely in God‘s hands to change her husband.

The working wife

I am not about to suggest that women should not take up employment although much could be said about the harmful consequences on pre-school or young school-going children whose mothers hold down full-time jobs. However, I do want to point out that most working women willingly place themselves under the authority of a boss, and yet some of them strongly resist placing themselves under the authority of their husbands. The working wife has a dual responsibility — i.e. to the boss and to the husband — which may create conflicting demands, or else encourage the wife to assert her independence from her husband, especially since she is no longer financially dependent upon him.

This does not apply to all working wives, but the possibility must be guarded against, for it can become a great source of marital conflict.

No messy divorce. Instead, you have one of those made-in-heaven marriages. He’ll take care of you when you’re old. He really, really loves you.

No outside counselling. He has no interest in couples therapy. He doesn‘t have big issues with you. He doesn‘t wish you were this, that, or different. His love for you is unconditional. Sure, he might wish you balanced your chequebook, lost ten pounds, or cleaned the house more often, but he is not seriously annoyed or upset about it. He finds it all amusing. Ultimately, he finds most things about you adorable. He doesn‘t feel the need to consult a professional to talk about his feelings. He’s busy planning your next vacation or chasing you around the house for a quick kiss.

No anxiety. You’re not walking on eggshells. You’re not always wondering if you hurt his feelings or said the wrong thing. You know that he will always forgive you, not hurt you, that he is ready to make up with you at a moment’s notice.

No physical abuse. He treats you like a fragile, delicate flower. He cups your face, rubs your back when you’ve had a hard day, and strokes your hair as if it were silk. You don’t have to worry about being battered.

No cheating. He thinks you’re more beautiful than other women (even if you’re not). He doesn‘t want to have sex with anyone but you; he can’t get enough of you and even wants to build up his biceps for you. You can leave him in a room full of gorgeous women and not worry. When he loves you, he loves you!

1. The biggest payoff first: he wants to marry you! Most women bring up marriage or the future after a couple of weeks or months of dating a man. They want to know where the relationship is going. Most likely, it’s going nowhere because men don’t want to be pushed into proposing. As a girl, you’ve been trained not to bring up marriage or kids. You talk about books, business, politics, football, and the weather.
2. When you are seated at a booth in a restaurant, he slides over and sits next to you. Sitting opposite you is just too far away when he’s truly in love.
3. 
4. He sends you roses after you have sex.
5. He writes love notes or poetry for you and tapes them on the refrigerator door.
6. He finds your idiosyncrasies harmless rather than annoying. You never have to worry that he’ll leave you if you don’t change a bad habit. He doesn‘t like it—but he doesn‘t leave you because of it.
7. He calls to see how your doctor’s visit went.
8. He gives you little presents, jewelry, and flowers on every possible occasion.
9. He gets angry when you don’t pay attention to him. He wants your constant attention and companionship. He doesn‘t ignore you. He’s always walking into whatever room you’re in. You are never a “football widow.” He wants to take you to the football game (even if you don’t like the sport or understand it) in order to spend more time with you. He wants to do everything with you!
10. He is always ready to make up after a fight.
11. He gets involved in every aspect of your life. You don’t bore him.
12. If you call him at work, he’ll always want to talk to you even if he is busy. He calls you from work a lot anyway.
13. He doesn‘t like to work late because he wants to see more of you.
14. When you have a cold or become ill, he still wants to be with you.
15. He always wants the phone number of where you are so he can get in touch with you.
16. He watches out for you.
17. He doesn‘t like it when you go out on you own to hen parties.
18. He listens when you talk to him.
19. When you walk around the house with very little on, he whistles, as though you were a babe on the beach.
20. Your picture is on his desk in the office and in his wallet. He always wants to look at you.
21. When he loves you, he loves your kids.

From Millwood through the Passes

Retrace your route past the forestry station and turn right onto the tarred road. The tar soon gives way to gravel, and the road winds down to an iron-girder bridge across the Homtini River. After the bridge, the road climbs out of the gorge, passes through farmlands, then drops again to the Karatara River.

After crossing the Karatara River on a single- lane bridge, the road passes the Karatara forestry settlement. The next pass leads through the gorge of the Hoogekraal River, and the one after this takes you across the Diep River.

You reach the tar again roughly 35 km from Rheenendal, and soon after this you pass the small settlement of Woodville. Turn right onto the gravel road signposted ‘Big Tree and Picnic Spot’. The picnic site to which this leads has braai places and toilets. From the car park a short path leads across a wooden bridge to the Woodville Big Tree, an Outeniqua yellowwood roughly 800 years old.

Return to the tarred road and turn right, noting your kms. After a little over 3 km, turn right onto a gravel road for ‘Saasveld’. The road now negotiates three more river-valley passes. Note your kms as you cross the Touw River, and 4,6 km later keep straight, onto the tar, for ‘George’. You then cross the Silver River, and after this the Kaaimans River. The old stone bridges over the Silver and the Kaaimans rivers have been proclaimed national monuments.

After climbing out of the Kaaimans valley you pass Saasveld on your right. This is the country’s only training school for foresters, and it is worth driving into the grounds to appreciate its beautiful setting. 5 km after Saasveld you reach the N2, shortly before entering George. Unless you wish to stop in George, turn left onto the N2 towards Knysna.

The N2 crosses the Swart River, and immediately afterwards the Kaaimans River. It then swings around the hillside overlooking the Kaaimans River mouth, presenting a splendid view of wild beaches and lakes stretching far into the distance. Stop in the parking area alongside the road to appreciate the view.

At the bottom of the hill, turn left into the village of Wilderness. After passing the Wilderness Hotel, turn left at the T-junction. Turn right almost immediately onto the narrow White’s Road, and follow this road as it climbs the hills north of Wilderness. Turn right onto the tarred road, then turn left, following the sign to ‘Map of Africa‘. This side-road leads to a viewsite overlooking the Kaaimans River. A twist in the river encloses an area of wooded land that resembles the map of Africa as viewed from the south.

Drive back down White’s Road, stopping part-way down for a fine view over the lakes. Retrace your route to the N2, and turn left towards Knysna.

When you reach Sedgefield, turn right into the road signposted ‘Police’. Drive around the traffic circle and continue straight towards the sea, with Sedgefield Lagoon on your right. Park in the parking area next to the lagoon mouth for a walk along the beach.

As you walk towards the sea, a path on your left, with a few broken steps, leads around to the top of a weathered bluff. There are views from here along the beach. (Archeological research has shown that this was for many centuries a favourite Strandloper camping site.)

Return to the N2 and turn right for Knysna. You will pass Groenvlei on your right, the only fresh water lake in this region. If time allows, return to the ‘soft sand’ viewsite on the road to Brenton-on-Sea, to look out over that same vista in its evening mood.

This drive explores one of the most romantic regions in southern Africa — the emerald- green landscape of Knysna, the old gold mines that can still be visited in the forests nearby, and the string of glittering lakes that stretches eastwards from Wilderness. More than half of the route is tarred, and the rest is good gravel.

The Eastern end of Knysna turn off the N2 onto George Rex Drive towards the Knysna Heads. As you approach the Heads, take the left fork, uphill, following the sign to the ‘view point’. This road climbs for 1 km to a car park on top of the eastern Head. There is a viewsite a few metres downhill from the car park, but young children must be held, as the cliff edge is only partially fenced.

Knysna Heads to Millwood

Return to the N2, turn left, and drive through Knysna. The road skirts the lagoon, then crosses a concrete bridge. At the far end of the bridge turn right, and take the road towards Brenton, which swings around and passes under the bridge. 1,6km after the bridge, turn left onto a narrow road that winds down to Belvidere Church.

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Return to the road for Brenton and turn left. Note your kms as you cross the railway line. After 1,5 km park in a small area on your left (not very visible from this direction). Beware of sticking in the soft sand. From here there is a splendid view over the whole Knysna region.

Drive on to Brenton-on-Sea. There is a hotel here, and you can walk down wooden steps for a short stroll along the beautiful beach.

Return to the N2, and turn right towards George. After 2 km on the N2, turn off right for Rheenendal. 1,1 km along this road, park on your left, and walk across the road for another fine view over the Knysna Lagoon.

Pass through the little settlement of Rheenendal, then turn right onto a gravel road for ‘Millwood/Goldfields’. Follow this road past the forestry offices on your right and later a ‘Big Tree’ picnic site on your left (braai places, water, toilets). Keep right here, following signs to Jubilee Creek. Where the road divides into three, keep left for ‘Millwood Hut via Jubilee Creek‘. At the next fork keep left again, and follow the road down into Jubilee Creek to the picnic area (toilets, braai places, water from the river).

Driving back from Jubilee Creek, turn left at the fork for Millwood. 3,7km along this road you pass a turn-off to the old town’s cemetery on your right. Just after this, the road forks. The left road used to be Millwood‘s main street, but nothing of the town remains, except for a few fruit trees and flowers.

Unless you wish to explore the site, take the road to the right, then at the next fork go right again. Follow this road, fornierly ‘St Patrick Street’, until you see the boiler of an old steam engine in a clearing on your left. This was the site of the stamp battery of the Bendigo mine, worked by a party of Australians.

A sign points to a mine below the road. This is the main Bendigo Tunnel, which reaches 200 m into the hillside and now houses a large bat population. (It can be reached by car — retrace your route and take the first left turn.)

When the Railway reached George, after years of delay, the entire town turned out to watch the first train puff into the station. During the festivities, the archdeacon observed that its arrival would be like the kiss of the handsome prince that woke the Sleeping Beauty. Perhaps he was right — there is certainly a fairy-tale quality in a journey by steam train through this fascinating part of the southern Cape.

The ‘lakes route’ between George and Knysna is one of the last stretches of rail in the country still traversed regularly by a steam locomotive, and the ‘Outeniqua Choo-choo’ that works this line is known to steam enthusiasts worldwide.

The choo-choo makes no special concessions for visitors — it is a goods train with usually just a single passenger coach attached at the end. The train leaves George early in the morning and arrives in Knysna well before midday — stopping on the way at a host of quaint little places, such as Bleshoender (bald chicken) and Mielierug (mielie ridge). (Passengers may board and disembark at any of the stations along the line.) After a leisurely lunch break in Knysna, the train sets off along the same route+ back to George — arriving home in mid-afternoon.

A hidden treasure chest

From George station, the line runs along the valley of the Meul (Mill) River, with views down to the sea at Ballot’s Bay — where a treasure chest is said to lie wedged in the rocks awaiting recovery. The first stop is Victoria Bay, immediately above the tiny beach. This is a popular surfing spot, with a small fishing jetty and a children’s paddling pool.

Soon after Victoria Bay the train enters a pair of tunnels, then emerges onto a bridge across the mouth of the Kaaimans River. The railings on the bridge are below the height of the carriage windows, and the train seems to be floating high above the river. From the bridge there are superb views, both up the river and out to sea. Soon afterwards there is a magnificent view on your right over the Wilderness beach, stretching away far into the distance.

Island of the camel’s hump

The line descends gradually to the pretty Wilderness station, then crosses the mouth of the Touw River on an iron bridge. Soon after this it crosses the Touw a second time and passes (on your right) a small rounded hill known as Fairy Knowe.

You cross the Touw River a third time, on a combined road and rail bridge, then travel alongside the Serpentine — a meandering waterway that links the Touw River to Lower Langvlei, also known as Island Lake. As you pass the lake you will see the island that gives it this name, known as Dromedaris Island (dromedary island) because of its likeness to a camel’s hump.

Meandering among the lakes

A narrow canal links Lower Langvlei to Upper Langvlei, which is linked in its turn to Rondevlei by yet another canal. The line passes along the northern shores of these lakes, offering tranquil views of small-scale farming scenes, then turns southeast, through pine forest, and runs between Rondevlei and Swartvlei.

Swartvlei is by far the largest of the lakes in the region. The line runs along its shore, then crosses it at its southern end, shortly before arriving at Sedgefield. After Sedgefield you travel the full length of Groenvlei, the only freshwater lake in the region, then climb through forest, and wind down steeply into the vivid green of the Goukamma valley.

The climb out of the Goukamma valley involves a series of loops — leading to Keytersnek. After this you begin to catch glimpses of Knysna Lagoon. The train stops at Belvidere, and again on the very edge of the lagoon at Brenton. After skirting the western shore it then swings out over the water and crosses the lagoon on a long wooden bridge, with Knysna station waiting at the far end

In holiday seasons the workaday choo-choo is sometimes replaced by Tootsie’, a glamorous passenger train for the tourist and the enthusiast — travelling a longer route from Mossel Bay to Knysna..